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  • Learn about the vast array of B.D. Jones' products and services
    Film Reviews
  • Authoritative reviews of the great many, many, many movies B.D. Jones' has seen
    Photo Gallery
  • A collection of images depicting the great man that he is

Contact B.D. Jones

B.D. Jones Fashions
The B.D. Jones Fashion wing has long been a respected dealer of fine quality clothing and particularly, furs. B.D. Jones' expertise in the field of fashion is unmatched, even among the world's leading fashion companies.

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Brian At Home
B.D. Jones offers a wide selection of kitchen appliances, furniture, light fixtures, paints, hardware tools, and has over twenty thousand interior decorators in employment. The mission of Brian At Home is to beautify your home into the paradise of Brian's own home.

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B.D. Jones Websites
B.D. Jones also fashions fine quality websites for the affordable price of 2 million dollars per page. Some of our credits include the famous Golf Site, Jeff's Hockey Site, the Colossus Site, and the Career Options Site.

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The B.D. Jones Symphony Orchestra
The JSO is one of the world's leading orchestral ensembles. With 200 members, we perform nightly at Jones Hall. From classical symphonies to recording film scores, the JSO is capable of virtually anything under the experienced baton of B.D. Jones himself. Concert tickets are ten thousand per person.

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Anti-Insomnia Potion
A time-honoured Jones' tradition handed down from B.D. Jones' ancestors. The Jones' Clan has kept the recipe, which is essentially water, tooth paste, and Listerine, a closely guarded secret for over a thousand generations. A bottle of this costs two hundred and fifty dollars.

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Excercise - Brianobics
When he was a wee lad, Young Brian developed a way to boost his metabolic rate exponentially. He discovered that by hopping from couch to couch during the commercial breaks of a television show would increase his metabolism to astronomical heights. Because this is a dangerous procedure (the boy hurt himself on numerous occasions), B.D. Jones is willing to teach his techniques to paying customers. Lessons start at two thousand dollars per hour.

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The Jones Post
A brief, succinct and to the point newspaper. A firm believer in only reporting what is most important and only that news, every issue of B.D. Jones' official newspaper contains only a single headline and not one article. This saves paper and ink. It also takes less time to read, seeing as B.D. Jones has always believed that issues such as politics, current issues, world events and news in general is boring and if it was really that important, we'd all eventually find out anyway. Generally, these cost about 50 dollars per paper.

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Chez Jones San's Gourmet Instant Noodles
Not your ordinary instant noodles. Indeed, these noodles do not contain vegetables (which according to B.D. Jones Labs, are not actually all that healthy), or forks. They are essentially noodles, soup base, and a straw with which to eat them. B.D. Jones has always felt that forks and chop sticks were the most absurd and inefficient way to consume noodles and has generally favoured the straw to suck up noodles. Each cup costs several hundred dollars depending on the flavour, which includes exotic ones such as chicken, beef, or water.

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Onions: A Fragrance By Brian
This product has a storybook beginning, when B.D. Jones was a young boy, he one day took pity on his friends who he deemed smelled bad. So, he took it upon himself to breathe on them after he had consumed a large portion of onions. Feeling satisfied that he had bettered their lives, he knew that he would one day be a major cologne and perfume maker.

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This site was designed by B.D. Jones Designers Jeffrey Cajucom and Anthony Wan